Dual....:-)
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
