The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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