Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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