Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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