Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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