No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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