you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
