That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
