and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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