I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
