the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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