if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
