the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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