Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
