she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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