If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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