all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
