the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
