She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
