mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
