Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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