i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
