i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize