My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
