She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
