First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
