Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
