What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
