Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize