dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
