Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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