Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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