i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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