If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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