Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
