He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
