We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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