If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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