I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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