He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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