Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Randomize
