8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
