sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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