I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
