Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
