She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
