it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
