4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize