I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
