How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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