she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
