just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
