I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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