I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
