I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just found puke in my bra..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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