Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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