either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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