the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
