This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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