i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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