I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
