Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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