Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
