You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
