She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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